Toxic People

Original Speech by Inês Valente

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Today I’m going to discuss one of Twitter’s most popular topics of 2018: toxic people. I’m sure you’ve had your fair share of deep posts and quotes during the year so, to make things easier, I’ll tell you a story. And it’s one of my favourites.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl. I want you to put yourself in her shoes as I tell the story. One day, a tornado sweeps her house away and she lands in a foreign land. She feels trapped, vulnerable. People started filling her head with promises of a solution. All she had to do was follow a road.

Along the way she makes some friends. One lacks a brain, the other a heart and the last one, courage. Quite a messy group, you could say. But they still followed the same road in search of a common goal. After a long way of ups and downs, with obstacles and solutions, the group arrives at their destination. After longing for so long, they were finally going to meet the person who would make their wishes come true. The one who would reward them for coming such a long way and facing so much adversities. After all, he was just a tiny powerless man. A con artist.

If you’re not following, I’ll explain. You are the little girl and the yellow brick road is life. With ups and downs, expectations, disappointments and surprises. But no matter what, you keep showing up. You keep going along the yellow brick road. And along the way you will meet some friends. Those friends are your strengths and virtues. They are what helps through rough times, that little flame that gets you out of bed every day. And it might not always speak with thought, act with emotion or stand up with bravery. But the spark is still there. It makes you keep walking.

Along this crazy way, you’ll meet the con artist. If you’re really lucky, more than one, even. Just like the man in this story, they have no magical powers. No miraculous ways to change your life. And when the little girl realized this, she felt trapped. How could the promise of a miracle turn into such a lie? This is the kind of feeling you get when you start to realize you’re in a toxic relationship. You start to doubt everything, including yourself. You can’t understand how it got there, how you could be so blind to the situation. And especially, how could they lie to you like that.

But that’s the thing about con artists: they are great actors. And the hardest thing to understand is that sometimes people aren’t toxic, they just have toxic behaviours. Because hardly anything in life is black or white. It’s mostly grey. But grey doesn’t feel right. We talk about good people and bad people as if it is that easy to tell them apart. It isn’t. It’s hard to separate a person from their bad side or their bad attitudes. But it is possible. Just like the man said to the little girl “I’m a very good man, I’m just a very bad wizard”.

So, finishing the story, the little girl realized something in the end. The power to go back home was in her all along. The brains to speak up, the heart to forgive and the courage to leave. Just like you have power over your own destiny. If you ever find yourself in a toxic relationship, know that you have the tools in you to find something better. You just have to find them and use them. Don’t be afraid. That flame is still there. You just have to keep following the yellow brick road. Beware of the wizards. And if you ever need to go back, just click your heels three times and repeat “there’s no place like home”.